I went to Tibet for about two weeks this August. The scenery was incredible, and I felt so alive being surrounded by nature, free of all obligations. Eventually, the trip came to an end, and I found myself sitting at my desk, staring at my work laptop, processing wound care orders. That stark contrast caused me to begin thinking deeply about my life.
Why did I feel so good in Tibet?
The photo above stands out as a memory in my mind. It perfectly captures the feeling Tibet left me with. Standing with my arms wide open at the edge of a river, looking out at snow-capped mountains, surrounded by trees and meadows, I felt free, at peace and connected to nature. I felt on top of the world, but at the same time, I felt like a tiny dot in a huge, chaotic universe.
I’ve had a similar experience before when traveling. One example is when I visited the peak of Emei Mountain in Sichuan, watched the sun set, stayed out on top of the mountain until the stars came out, and then watched the sunrise.
We were high above the clouds the whole time, and nighttime was especially beautiful. We were the only ones outside. It was cool, crisp air. At the peak of the mountain stood a giant golden statue of the Thousand-Eye Guanyin, with a grand staircase leading up to it.
We walked up the steps and over to a viewing platform.
We could see every star in the night sky. The wind was quite strong. I cried looking out over the edge of the viewing platform in the darkness. It was an overwhelming mix of emotions. Memories rushed through my mind. I thought of family and friends, my life back home, and all my experiences leading up to that moment. I felt extremely grateful, and there was a tinge of unexplainable sadness. I felt peace, joy and release. Awe and wonder. Mystery.
Visiting these types of places reminds me how incredibly vast the world is, and how small a lot of my problems are. Before I left for my trip, I was focusing a lot on my career. I was comparing myself to others, and spending a lot of time outside of work thinking about what I could do to get ahead. Taking a trip outside the country for two weeks took me away from all that and helped me see it all from a new perspective.
A week after my trip to Tibet, I was listening to Tchaikovsky’s Fifth Symphony at work. When the famous horn solo came on, I got chills, and felt like something woke up inside me, like I was entering a different layer of reality or awareness. Just like looking out at a beautiful view, all my memories flashed before my eyes. I thought of all my family and friends, experiences, and potentialities. I thought of the mystery of life and death and how strange it is to be here at all.
It’s interesting that music is able to cause me to experience a very similar and possibly even more potent version of that feeling I get when standing in front of beautiful natural scenery. I believe this feeling, whether from nature or art, may be what is sometimes referred to as ‘the sublime’. Whatever it is, it makes me feel more alive and engaged with the world.
That was the main difference between my time in Tibet and ‘regular life’. I felt more alive because I was doing more of what I loved. I was surrounded by things that inspired me and made me feel like I was part of something bigger than myself.
Obviously, work is unavoidable. I have to pay the bills, after all. I realized, though, that there are many things I can do in my ‘regular life’ to feel more fulfilled on a daily basis.
For example, I realized that it was not necessary to spend so much of my time and energy trying to force certain things to happen in my career. I don’t think there’s ever going to be a time in my career where I’m fully satisfied and feel I’ve officially ‘made it’. Instead, I can allow my career to develop more organically, and focus my time and energy on personal projects and hobbies.
There are so many things I want to do in life. I want to continue to develop as a magician, get back into playing music and organizing music-related events, learn how to do 变脸 (Sichuan face-changing), talk more with friends and family, travel more (even just random weekend day-trips), be more adventurous, try new things, take risks, and take more action on all the ideas floating around in my head. I love building things and being creative. I want to scroll less and live more.
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